what a tiring week.LOL.
slacked at home most of the time larh.hmmm.
went back to anderson wif xuan on one of the weekdays.sigh.the state of e sch.
but nvm i hope it'll look great after everything's done and over with.slacked at mac and ate and talked and talked..haha that's what we ALWAYS do.
headed for trainin on thurs and sat.woo.
headed to hci to support grace during her taekwondo performance..it was their open house and it was pretty crowded.haha.caught up on so much too.
retail therapy on friday with my sis.bought quite a lot of stuff,if i may say so.spent 200+ between us.been SO DAMN LONG since we spent like that.dress,sandals,polo shirts,shrug,tons of food...ahh..you get my drift!
ooh i really hope he likes what my sis and i chose for him.i was so indecisive! everything at topman was so nice..........-drrrooolll.-

had frenly with smu on sat mornin,at an unearthly hour mans.10am.lol.as usual,i woke up late due to stayin up that night.lol.
headed for dinner at maxwell market with my relatives and then ktv at partyworld.was quite hilarious.lol.
sigh.when we drove along tanjong pagar, i recognised the buildings instantly,cos we once walked down that route to go maxwell for lunch.just strolling hand in hand.hmmm.
maxwell's food is superb larh...almost everything is nice! finally settled on hainanese chicken rice after some thinkin (i was like ah fuck it la,chicken rice will do).boy did i not regret it!
im droolin jus thinkin abt it now.urgh.glutton.

sang from 8+ til 12am with my relatives.and they're a pretty crazy bunch.seriously.
headed to town to meet up with e squashers for.....well...ktv again.LOL.i know.you must be thinkin i've gone nuts.but...nah.lol.
headed to cine's k-box to blast our lungs out.it was tiring in al seriousness..it was an overkill for me.but it was fun nonetheless.i always love hanging out with them.
thank you peeps!
ooh and wanyee gave me this..personalised stuffed pig with spongey wings.she got it frm action city.it held a red cushiony heart between its hands.and wanyee wrote my name on it with paint markers! it was verry very niceee..
it looked like it was printed on e heart itself.
and then she flipped the heart over and she showed me what she wrote on the back...a really pleasant surprise.
lol.she wrote ivan,and then she drew a lil stick guy next to it.lol. thank you so much! i am really very touched... =)
haha its sitting nicely on my bed now.ooh and she got a baby pet tree for me too! those keychain kind. ultra cute.
had so much fun with them even though we were pretty tired towards e end..but ray and wanyee were super awake larh.i also don't know how they actually tarhan.

so i pretty much just woke up.like a few hours ago.felt so good after a nice warm bath and good long rest.
nope,no hangover.=)
he headed for a hike this mornin,madness.hope it doesn rain over there! weather's been pretty bad.

oooh and my sapphire female hamster gave birth this afternoon! right after i woke up...i think there were 7 intially,but i saw one dead.and one whose head was the only part left.apparently hamster mothers eat their babies sometimes..it was so saddening when i actually saw her eating another one later.sigh.
i couldn't do anything,couldn't seperate them too.i couldn't touch her babies either cos they would have a different scent after that, and their mum wouldnt be able to recognise them by smellin,and thus wouldn't feed them milk..hai.
but luckily she stopped devouring and let them suckle.it was so scary.seeing blood on the cage bars and everything...i wouldn't be able to forget the images.damn scary larh.

anyway,back to happier stuff.it's still my holidays. (damn long right,yes i know.)
sis lent me joan johnston's The Next Mrs Blackthorne.hopefully i'll get down to reading it soon.im just so...lazy.

read something just now and it brought a smile to my face.it always will.

hmmm.
headed to xuan's house for our vcd marathon on fri nite.it wasn't much of a marathon,it was just 2 1/2 shows!
haha.headed for prata at the roti prata house first with xuan and her bro too..the honeyed paper prata was really sweet and everything.i was quite impressed in all seriousness.ate my cheese and mushroom prata (as usual) and jus sat and chatted and chatted and chatted.oooh.and xuan introduced the satay sauce to us! it was very good when eaten with papadum.haha.it was so near her house we could actually walk..haha.

then headed back and started on lotr - rotk extended vcd version. 4 disks.can you imagine?
my gdness.i think my butt actually expanded due to sitting too much.if that's even possible in e first place.
coyote ugly was cool mans.i wanna try bar top dancing! LOL. their moves were extremely coordinated and well executed.i was in awe.been ages since i caught that show.5 yrs i think.and the babes are so darn hotttt....woo.

lol.my sassy girl was next.although i zonked out halfway.it's a very funny show,but i jus culdnt tarhan larh..i mean i barely slept last few days due to screwin up my bio clock intentionally.LOL.
slept at around 6 am and then woke up at 10+..tossed and turned.then couldnt sleep anymore.i mean..it's those kinda feelin when you wan to sleep,but you just cant? lol weirdly enough i've been sleeping at these kinda unearthly hours for the past wk..never slept past 12.although i really want to.i keep waking up at hourly intervals due to smses or calls..so..urgh.hope i don't get eye bags.

i love yingxuan's dog.coco.i really do. this might sound damn bloody kooky but i keep letting him lick me.lol. i jus love her to bits.really.hehe.only yingxuan understands what i'm talkin about.think she might think im mad sometimes too.LOL.I LOVE COCO! ok enuf jokes.

hmm.i finally managed to sleep past 12 today.although i slept at 7 this morning.lol.but was awakened now and then by some weird shit.lol.weather's pretty good lately,coolin and all.esp at night.but i jus hate it when it starts pourin in the dead of e night.scares the $*&%(& shit out of me.the howling winds..the heavy rain...im jus damn humji larh.lol.

im gettin into the christmas mood already.heh.listenin to clay's merry christmas with love now.title track. really beautiful song.=)

ooh and isn't kelly clarkson oh so perfect? i think she's so wholesome and down to earth,with an excellent voice to boot! that ass of a justin guarini got a chance to smooch her in their From Justin To Kelly movie. *coughflopcough* heh.
finally settled on this blogskin after an hour of previewing and all.was jus lazy to continue lookin.there was one which was ultra cute,had this cartoon couple,once you scroll ur cursor over them,they would smooch.so cute rite. ok.i know that i'm damn out of point. lol.

finally was able to meet up wif my darhlin xuan.
she was so busy with promos and everything.
hit ps with her the previous day and decided to chomp down on gelare's waffles!
then went to take some more bimbotic neo prints.walked walked..caught up on so much! our lives...and we just kept laughin over every little detail..siao rite.
felt very queasy on e bus,though i thought it was due to cramps and all that shit..but well.
cabbed home..and well puked out my lunch.guess it was food poisoning =(
felt a tad better after that..thanks for e concern xuan! muahsss.
met up with her yday again..well....
wad can i sae abt april snow.it totally sucked.it was...dreary in a sense.it was....not very entertaining...no doubt it was quite a tear-jerker..but it was quite boring in a sense.not much dialogues.and the sex scenes were quite in-ur-face.and definitely sudden.
but BYJ.IS HOT LARH.
judgin that his pecs........are.....................well............and he's SO TANNED AND MUSCULAR!
but well not a BYJ fan so when i gasped at e openin scene it wasn bcos of him.
a lil accident happened wif my white choc.dropped into my sb.yes.and xuan was luffin her head off during e whole show.partly due to my retarded comments.hahaha.
went to take more neo prints.yes.haha met quite a lot of andersonians in town.promos haf ended already ma.
sigh.

i really must be more understanding.stop this negative mentality.urgh.
musnt expect too much...

...u're close enough to see that...
...u're the other side of e world to me...

...and can you still love me..when you can't see me anymore...?

i was talkin to my lovely captain jiahui just now..
i told her what happened today..between my mum n my dad..
we just talked.and i cried..
the void in my heart..will never be replaced larh..
i talk talk talk..sae oh im not bothered..but fuck larh. i stil care so much..so damn bloody much.

things are so diff now..so very different........
it's exhausting even thinkin about it...much less be caught in the middle again and again.

sigh.i need you...

it's scary to think that i'm gonna be 20 next yr. to my family, i'll always be the girl who never grows up.
they've sheltered me so damn much for these 19 yrs but it looks like inevitably i've gotta stand up on my own somehow.
20. the big "2". for ladies, (i hafta stop using the word girls already) it's a HUGE matter cos it's an entirely different phase in ur life. as i've always heard, ppl should start saving at the age of 19. hello?!
next time i'll be 20, den the next i'll be 21...time has passed really so damn quickly.blink of an eye and 5 yrs have gone by in a flash.
have i lived my teenage life to the fullest already? i really have no idea..but i know there's much more to accomplish in the years ahead.studyy studyy studyyy...maybe work a bit then continue studying?

ooh and i definitely wanna travel tons more! scandinavian europe for example,and the states again. greece, egypt..turkey. places i've always longed to step foot in. especially greece. i'm a sucker for greek mythology, zeus hera blah blah. so that place has always intrigued me and all. travelling just sets ur mind at ease..the tranquility in nz was just......perfect.for lack of a better word.really stunning scenary...

had a half-hour talk with him just now..he always reassures me..and i really mean always.it means so much to me that he bothers.and that he cares.very grateful for everything..=)

One hell of a week..and I really mean one hell of it.

Moodswings at its peak really...buay tarhan...
And the fact that I NEVER get moodswings adds on quite a bit.
Scary.

Sent ivan off last wed.which actually almost killed me at some point in time,but yes.
The image of him walkin in after passing the departure gates is clearly etched in my mind.fuckin rollercoaster of emotions larh.
So happy for him..yet terribly depressed. I have no idea how to describe it. It's one of those you have to experience-then-you'll know kinda thing.
Was crying my eyes out like some horribly drawn-out kid. I mean oh come on, you didn't actually expect me to stand there,smile broadly and wave like a robot!
...I couldn't do it even if I wanted to..i was absolutely brimming over with tears by that time.couldn't even speak a proper sentence besides a few words here and there.but at least I managed to stammer out the important stuff while my lips were quivering and the wave of tears washed over me.i was that emotional.i couldn't help it lar.really.cannot.help.it.one.
hmm. it'll be a damn long time before i actually get to see him again. next june or july? around there i guess.
....hmm.but it was alright after a while.regained my composure. Blah.
Yes i'm still countin my blessings everyday. =)

Stayed home pretty much most of the time last wk.due to the fact that I was dreadfully flat broke.and that I was just plain awfully lazy. The rainy season even gives me more of a motivation to stay at home,slack, and sleep the day away.oh and night too.
Barely did anything eventful,OR USEFUL, besides the fact that I packed my room.but fuck larh, my room is in a semi-mess already. And it has been what? 4 days? Forget it already.
I prefer the messy feel,gives me a cosier kinda feeling.ppl pls don't slap me.pls don't. I swear I'll slap ya back.

I'm surviving quite well at home,given the amt of shit i'm putting up with. It has come to this point where either I take it or leave it.and sadly I chose to leave it. I know it's "politically incorrect" and whatsoever,but fuck it larh. I just couldn't care less. Although I know I shouldn't.blah.

I got back from a movie with tong and simon at lido just now. No comments.
Was great finally being able to meet up with them,what with army and all.
And yes I think I should cut down on reading tabloids.i don't even know what's true or not these days. And the headlines are getting totally outrageous. And I mean OUTRAGEOUS.jus check out the national enquirer or star.atrocious. Then you'll get my drift.the paris-paris split was totally unexpected. And everyone in LA is getting smaller and shrinking before our very own eyes. I'm damn sure it's not Photoshop. Lol. I read somewhere that Photoshop is somewhat a verb already. True,in a sense if you think about it.

Ivan called me today using his recently purchased calling card. From what I hear, rates are pretty darn cheap over there. I mean, that's the first time I've ever heard "cheap" and "London" in the same sentence. Thank God he got much MUCH better accoms, if not he would be positively dying everyday. The walk to and from school would jus kill him. Or even the cycling. The distance is really...disgustingly far.
But yeap.really glad that he has settled down and all, but got tons of other stuff to finish.madness.

There was this one day when I felt so distant,so lost,so vulnerable...
Stupid moodswings.Hit me out of nowhere. Like a slap on the face. Girls. Urgh. Hey I still am a girl..afterall. LOL. Oh wells. Was pretty rough for like an hour,then yes like passing rain, it was over.heh. I'm quite stumped by how my moods fluctuate like nobody's business. Freaky.

I'm having hols now,til like Nov 7. Gonna hunt for a job to while my time away I guess.
And I need to quit spending so much! I NEED TO SAVE!

Spent ass-much last month,but all for a good reason. - Food. =)
Yea larh basket eat eat eat. Eat like no tomorrow lidat. Burnt an enormous hole in my pocket too. But it was worthwhile. I'm still raving over Fullerton's chocolate buffet. Gonna head there again I hope, but I gotta wait til I have the urge. I'm keeping off chocolate for a month.

It's almost 5 in the morning. Keeping awake for I have no idea why too.

I guess maybe the reason is you.

..if i could only hold you now..
..make the pain just go away..
..can’t stop the tears from running down my face..

.lost.without.you.